I Need a Drink: A Teetotaler’s Guide to Social Drinking

Posted on Sep 5 2013 - 5:48am by Cathy Brunetti

One of your buddies takes you to a party with food, gals, and booze. Food and gals are alright, but alcohol? You remember that you’re a teetotaler who avoids alcohol as much as possible. It seems this party will take your abstinence to a test. So what do you do?

You’re a man and social norms dictate that men are supposed to drink. But you’ve sworn not to drink alcohol. Perhaps because of religious or philosophical reasons, or because you’ve just recovered from symptoms of alcoholism and don’t want to go back to your old ways. But if you want people to think you’re drinking and don’t want to feel out of place, here are some tips you may want to consider.

Tonic Water

So there’s a bunch of girlies who have glasses of vodka tonic in their hands. You want to join them, but you don’t want to show up with a glass of kiddie party drink. Instead of resorting to orange juice, fill your glass with tonic water. Tonic water looks the same as vodka tonic.

Iced Tea or Coloured Soda

If you want to look like you’re sipping scotch or whiskey spiked drinks, fill your highball with iced tea or coloured soda. But don’t forget to fill it with ice cubes, or else everyone will notice that you’re just consuming diabetes-inducing drinks.

Fruit Juices

No, orange juice is not one of them. Fill your wine glass with apple juice so you’ll look like a classy guy who’s into wines. If you want your “wine” red, fill your glass with grape juice. Those who don’t pay attention won’t notice that it’s just the unfermented form of wine.

Mocktails

Mocktails are beverages that contain less than 0.5 alcohol. But if you’re practicing teetotalism religiously, you can just take the non-alcoholic version of Bloody Mary or other cocktails. In short, you’ll be just taking juices. All you have to do is to carry your glass well so no one will notice.

So what if you don’t drink? It’s not the entire basis of your manliness. Even those who recovered from alcoholism admit that. Refuse politely if your friends offer you a glass. At the end of the night, they’d be grateful that you drove them home safe.